Sunday, October 9, 2011
I thought the whistling of the wind coming through the broken window was going to be the end of me. I was wrong. As the sun gained some height in the morning sky I could feel my left eye throbbing. My neck and my right hand had let me know when the adrenaline had wore off hours ago. The eye was new news and not welcome at all. I reached for my sun glasses in the visor and they fell to the floor between your feet. Fuck! I didn't want to stop to safely reach them and I didn't want to wake you so you could hand them to me. You had refused to recline your seat when I knew you needed to sleep and so there you sat upright with your pretty head on the window. I felt my hands tighten on the wheel as my thoughts were allowing me to be in a quite and still place holding you close. As your hair fell on my shoulder and brushed my cheek I thought of a Yeats poem. The lines started slowly coming back to me like lyrics from a favorite song, " He bore her away in his arms, the handsomest young man there, and his neck and his breast and his arms were drowned in her long dim hair". Damn fine line I thought as I closed my left eye to the sun. It helped a bit. I was glad that the road was straight and lonely. I held the wheel with one hand and the back of your seat with the other as I leaned towards you. I got my nose as close to your neck as possible and took in a long swallow of your scent. My mind skittered back to when I first met you. It was your scent that first let me know that you were made for me. I had always associated so much with smells. I could still pick my first girl friends perfume off a lady that I passed in the street. Anis Anis, I would think to my self. I never thought a lady's scent would make or break a possibility of a great relationship. It was always in play but it never grabbed me by the throat and stood me up until the first time I was close enough to really smell you. We were on the roof of my best friends apartment. He had met you recently in Union Square and had squired you away with his charm. After a night of heavy drinking he passed out and we made our way to the roof. The city was as quiet as you could hope as every thing had closed and the bridge and tunnel crowd crawled home. Aside from having too much energy this late and enjoying your company and another drink on the roof, I had no thoughts in my head. I followed you up the spiral stair case and would not avert my eyes as I thought how lucky my brother was. When we sat down our chatter stopped. The buildings around us and the streets of NY below us were mesmerizing. We eventually started talking. The second time you came back up from using the bathroom and getting us another drink you stumbled and sat down right next to me. You giggled and I fell into your eyes. I went on with some gibberish and you stopped me with, "It's too bad we didn't meet sooner." I could not believe you were saying exactly what had been on my mind all night. Hearing it didn't make things easier though because now I knew I was not imagining the chemistry. I foolishly leaned in for a kiss. You smiled and pulled back. I felt foolish. I regained my senses and jerked myself into an upright position. The damage was done though. It was not the end of our night. No, we carried on. It was the end of me searching. I had gotten close enough to you to really smell you. I can still feel my nostrils open up and take in the perfect blend of sweetness and muskiness. I felt my spine curl and snap back straight like a screen door slamming. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood up as if to blow a bugle cry from the top of a mountain in case I might miss the signal. I felt like I had taken a sip of you as I felt your effect register deep inside me. I was dumbfounded. I was elated. I was more sad than anything. How could something so perfect be right in front of me and I could not just reach out and take hold of it. The buildings fell around us and the streets buckled. Steam rose up and I was on a ragged carpet floating above the Hudson heading away from you. I wanted to cry but I was dry and didn't have the strength to pull water from the river below. You brought me back with a slight touch to my hand. "You look like you have a lot on your mind. It was nice talking to you. I am going to turn in. Good night Patrick". As you turned and went down the stairs I fell back and felt the gravel under my head as I caught sight of the few misty stars that had enough courage to burn though the tough light of the city. I wondered if I could ever muster enough light to burn through my own fog. If it had not been for the on coming tractor trailer I might have driven off the road trapped in my thoughts. I opened my sore eye and looked at you sleeping. I put my attention back to the road. I had something beside me that once seemed like an unlikely dream. It was not cold but I turned the heat on in hope that it would blow your scent toward me.